Lust
by timydamonkey
Summary: Oneshot. Paul POV. Rewrite of an old fic of the same name. He says that he loves her, but some days he hates her for what she does to him when he loves her. Or is what he feels just lust?


Lust:

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Author's Notes: The rewrite of this fic I posted a year and 5 months ago (that long!) according to my Word document. Wow. This is, obviously, the version without lyrics. I think it works better too, as it's forced me to connect the sections better than I did before. I'm glad I got around to this, though. Any feedback would be appreciated.

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Suze… It's funny that you can care about someone so much… and have their hate for you matching your love for them, and it's all due to a stupid misunderstanding…

Not that you'd listen to me anyway. Oh no, on no account will Susannah Simon ever listen to Paul Slater. You'll just listen to that bloody Rico Suave… _Jesse…_

You love him, you say, but how can you love a ghost? He's not even alive, and hardly anybody can see him! Not to mention the fact you've seen his rotting corpse being dragged out of your backyard… And now you're all his.

You're like poison, you know that? Untouchable. Forbidden property. Not that I play by the rules, mind you. Whether or not something is forbidden, I don't care.

But you should know that by now…

Every part of you is poison, but you attract everyone like flies… It's a _heartbreaking_ combination.

So I kissed you. So what? It's not as if you minded.

You know you like me really. You can tell. If there was ever a willing kisser, it's you. And I was only too happy to oblige.

This is love, eh? Being able to forget about someone in two minutes flat? This could be easier than I thought.

But then, you had to go and spoil it all. Pushing me off, swearing at me, trying to break free. Damn it, Suze, do you know how much this hurts me?

Do you even care about how much it hurts me?

I _do _have feelings, you know… Feelings are such a large part of being alive, aren't they? Not that we can say the same for _Jesse._ He's dead, his life is over, and he shouldn't even be here. He shouldn't have the luxury of feelings. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's just stringing you along for his own amusement…

I really don't understand why you like him. I mean, he's an idiot, and did I mention dead? It's not like everyone in the world can see the dead, you know.

And what kind of good can he do for you? He has no money or anything, he can't do anything decent for you and to everyone else, guess what?

HE SIMPLY DOESN'T EXIST. He's your imaginary friend, your certificate to insanity. He's your hallucination.

Which would be a great thing, but sadly I have to be able to see the dead, don't I? Don't get me wrong, I usually love being a shifter, but sometimes it just seems like a curse. Me, being laughed at, because I like you - a girl who's (not so) in love with a ghost…

Damnit, Suze. You know perfectly well that you can do nothing with him.

How about me? We're both shifters, Suze. We're both more powerful than most people can even comprehend. We can do things that don't seem humanly possible.

We could do whatever we wanted. We could rule the world… or just escape from here. Just you and me… leave Rico Suave behind. 

It's a great plan with just one flaw: then he'd just materialize. Damn ghosts. They don't deserve anything. They're past their prime, and they're just invading on _my _life. And the people who do that, they never get away without being burned.

I could burn De Silva to the ashes of a memory, given the chance – but you'd smell a rat. How could I get rid of him without you knowing?

A nice trip to Shadowland, abandoning him up there? Would that be enough? Or would you smell a rat?

I could always exorcise him. It's been done before, and I'm sure he won't be rescued _twice…  
_

I don't want to do that yet. Don't get me wrong; I'd love _Jesse _to be gone. But that could somuch more damage to our already extremely complicated relationship. You could hate me forever. Bad terms. You have to plan first. So, I'll try and talk to you.

Shame you're so scared of me.

Shame you're too scared to open your mouth and start talking…

Shame I can't talk to you. You never know who's listening, do you?

Such a shame. 

Damnit!

Damn you for making me feel like this! I hate it.

Dang it, why can't you see?

I need you, and you need me. We're made for each other, you and I.

Why are you refusing to accept the truth…? We are destined to be together. It should be you and me against the world, Suze… not me fighting against _your_ world.

Will you ever listen to me, Suze? Will you ever let me help you achieve your full potential?

I could really help you, you know. I could teach you so much.

And there's just one simple price for all of my shifter knowledge. And it's a bargain…

But we both know that you'll never listen – and I'd bet we both know what a stupid mistake that is.

Suze! Can't you see how much you break my heart?

I know damn well how much you hate me, and I know that I'm good at hiding my emotions. But heartbreaks something you can't hide. Maybe you're still in denial, stuck in your little world of perfection with the guy you consider so _perfect._

He's just the same as the rest of us, really, only he's trespassing on _my _life! Dead guys shouldn't get a second chance.

I tried to talk to you about this, Suze. I really tried. And all I got is that extra pang of loneliness, knowing there's nobody else I can speak to about anything ghost related. And that's what it is, with you, Suze.

Always ghost related. Always _Jesse_ related._  
_

Damn it, Suze. Is heart break incurable? Is it? Do you even care what you've done? Do you even know?

Such pain… and now I feel so vulnerable…

I hate this! I hate what I've been reduced to!

How do I get you back for this, Suze?

Here am I, saying I love you, but you've brought on all this pain.

Love is a fragile thing. So is a heart. Both my heart and love for you are broken.

You made me vulnerable, Suze.

And for that, I hate you.


End file.
